There is a version of the transition story that goes like this: you decide to change, you do the hard work, and then the new chapter begins. It's clean. It has momentum. It makes sense as a narrative.
The real version is messier. The research shows that meaningful post-service adjustment — genuinely settling into a new identity, career, and sense of purpose — takes between three and seven years. Not weeks. Not months. Years. And for most of that time, people feel stuck, not because they're doing anything wrong, but because change at this scale takes time that no one is willing to acknowledge.
What actually helps, according to the evidence: peer connection (other people who are in or have been through the same transition), structured progress (clear milestones, formal recognition, visible movement), and patience with the non-linearity of it. There is no shortcut. But there are better paths — and recognising that the waiting is part of the work is one of the first steps toward walking them.